Mis Dos Centavos (My Two Cents)

I can’t believe that Rachel and I have already been here and away from home for over a month. I think about the worries, the excitement, the anxiety that I had leading up to making my dream of coming to Panama a reality, and am astounded at how yet again, God had so much more planned than I ever could have imagined. Rachel and I have adopted a new phrase for when we talk to family and friends and they say, “Tell me about what’s going on Panama”. Our new phrase is, “There’s so much to tell, that it is easier to just not tell than to try to explain it all.” How can I explain what is occurring here in this city? I talked to my friend Coleman the other night and told him that I just simply do not know the words to explain it (A common problem these days with the language barrier, but one that God is revealing Himself more and more each day!) This, partially, is the reason why my blogs have been sparse and not too often. And, granted, we really have no time in the day. Each little hour that we are not reading with someone, we find ourselves frantically preparing for the next person or event, calculating our account to turn in to LST, or contemplating what must be done next. But, for those who know me, you know that this is how I function best (Haley, my college roommate, can attest to that probably better than anyone!) I love the pressure of time, because it is then, that I work the hardest and with the fiercest ambition.
Times in Panama have been crazy already and I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to recounting all that has occurred. We spent two weeks in Brisas del Golf, a place that we never intended to go or to work. We met Janet and Steve, a couple that despite of their own work schedules, children at home, and life obligations, still make time to share the Word of God throughout the world, as they spent two weeks on an LST project. We got to fall in love the Walter and Delores Leonard and to learn from all the work they are doing in this new community. We finished our daily work in Brisas on January 25, but will continue to do follow-up each Sunday afternoon. We will conduct a large English class and then invite our readers to stay for the church services, which meet in Walter’s house, where we do the class. Even though we have been away from Brisas on a regular schedule, we are still staying in touch with several of our readers, and pray that the relationships will continue to grow.
Now we are in Curundu, the area in which we came to Panama expecting to work (How quickly am I learning that plans mean very little when a schedule is on God’s time and not our own!) Three days a week I have an English summer school class. My two students are Julyema (age six) and Javier (age seven). Let me just say that I have NEVER had a desire to be an elementary school teacher (and still do not for that matter!), and that God is funny in taking me where He wants me to go—my first two jobs post-Harding have been as an elementary, language teacher! I am completely convinced that He daily prepares us for His tasks that serve for His greater purpose, unbeknownst, at times, to us! Although at times I feel I lack the patience to work constantly with little children, it is a good lesson for me to learn! Although it takes a lot to grab their attention and hold it (It took my two students an hour to copy three sentences off the board!), it is worth it all when I listen to them sing the sweet words of “This Little Light of Mine” and “I’m All Wrapped Up, Tied Up, and Tangled Up in God” And when little Javier waves his little hand up in my face saying “Esperate, Esperate”—roughly translated, “Hold your horses”, meaning, I want to sing it on my own and show you that I can do it! I just pray, and ask that you will to, that the words of those songs and of the prayers that we pray at the beginning of the class will be revealed to their hearts and bring them that much closer to a true faith in God.
In addition to our summer school, Rachel and I meet with traditional LST readers Monday through Friday in Curundu. I am currently studying with six women who are all searching, whether they know it or not, for the Truth that is found in God’s Word. In Brisas, our sessions and reading times were very relaxed, carefree, and often were more in Spanish conversation than English grammar practice. In Brisas, because of our reader’s limited English skill, we were only able to read Luke at night with the large group, and therefore not be able to give it the individual attention that are needed when one is sharing the Bible with individuals who have never read it. But here, in Curundu, the majority of my “English reading sessions” have turned into Bible studies. I remember training to come to Panama and Terri, my trainer, and Sherrylee, LST founder, saying that “The Word is strong enough to speak for itself”. I never really understood that, until now. Until I’ve read the same story five times in one day, out loud with someone else, and then had to explain it to them in simpler terms, and include the background information so that they can understand just why it was a big deal that the Pharisees didn’t wash Jesus feet when he came to their house or why the Pharisees said that Levi was bad when the Bible only says he was a tax collector. It’s not fair that I already knew that information. And, yes, some is because I have chosen to study, but I never would have chosen to study if I hadn’t been given the opportunity to be raised in a church family and was taught to read and respect the Bible as God’s word.
Everyday I am becoming more and more aware of the lie that Satan has used to deceive the church and myself—people don’t want to learn about God; they already know He exists, they know about Jesus because of TV or Christmas and that if they wanted to know more, they know when the church meets and where the building is so if they wanted to know more, they would come, because, well, that’s what I do and so they can take the initiative too. Likely, if the lost have never read the Bible, how will they know His story, much less know that they SHOULD read the Bible, and let His story become their own. People are hungry for the Truth. What a bold face liar Satan is and how ashamed I am to say that I have taken comfort in this lie time and time again! How dare I expect someone to embrace something of which they know nothing! How dare I want THEM to come to me, when the love of Christ is not mine to keep, but it was shared with me with the instructions to share it with others! How often have I forgotten this and how often am I still forgetting it. And, how often I have forgotten of how I am an example of grace and love, poured out so that I might have the desire to know the Truth, for it is NOTHING that I have done, but rather what He has done within me.
I and floored with the response that people have had in reading the Bible for the first time. Today, after reading Luke’s account of the temptation of Jesus, my 24 year old reader, Karolina, told me, “I like this story…because I come here to learn English, but I am learning about Jesus and I did not know about Him before.” Karolina is someone that when we talk about what we have just read, I can actually see the Lord working in her eyes, I can see her pondering what has been said, I can almost hear her heart crying out for a genuine relationship with the Lord. She wants to know the Truth, needs to know who her Lord is, and know the nature of her creator. As I discussed with Isabel, another reader, I believe that just as children have a natural need to have their parents, humans have a natural need to have their Creator, their Father God, in their lives. And, we will have a huge “daddy hole” until we allow Him into our lives! But, if no one has exposed this deficit in their lives, how will people know, and how will they be prepared to fight against Satan’s schemes?
The great majority of my readers described themselves as Catholics, a Christian religion, and therefore a religion that calls Jesus their Lord, but, somehow, they do not know anything about Him! How many others know nothing about the one they call Lord? And beyond that, how many of us are working for the Lord, yet fail to have a RELATIONSHIP with him. I can’t help but remember Jesus saying, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers.” (Matt. 7:21-23) These are not just people who are Sunday and Wednesday attendees, or people who pray at the time of need, no, these are people who are working for the kingdom, but still lack a relationship with their Lord. How often have I fallen into this trap, into the Martha world of work and no prayer, and no listening? As I tell my readers almost everyday, when we want to know someone, want to have someone in our life, what do we do? We build a relationship with them. How? We talk to them and we listen. We spend time with them. How can we have a relationship with God if we do not listen to what he says, if we do not read His word and dwell in His presence? I am such a hypocrite, because although I know these things, shamefully, how often do I fail to make them occur.
Each day in Panama does not fail to be a challenge to me. By this time, the challenge is not in the physical (I prefer the heat to AC, a cold shower is a tool to cool me off or wake me up, and killing the grande cockroach is exhilarating more than terrifying now!), but rather the challenges of the day are spiritual and emotional. I have had no choice but to stand face to face against my weaknesses, my ignorance, my sins, and my thorns. I am so thankful to be here with Rachel, one of the very top people who knows me best, because she is faithful like her Master to stay beside me as I come to know the ugly side of myself. Because, the truth is, when you are stripped of everything that once covered your flaws (grades, accomplishments, reputation), you easily lie speechless on the floor, feeling vulnerable to even the little fly on the wall.
But, God is so faithful, and He has not stopped being with us each day. Obviously, we would not be here without Him, but I cannot imagine confronting so many ghosts of my own without His grace, His mercy, His forgiveness, His commitment. And, one thing that I have become completely sure of in the little time that we have been in Panama, and really, just since the Bible studies in Curundu have begun, the Bible holds answers for every struggle that we will face in this world. It may take reading the temptation of Jesus ten times in a row to see and truly understand how Jesus overcame Satan and how Satan still used manipulation (even manipulating the very words of God to His own son!), but I have never believed so strongly before that the more we pray for clarity, the more we pray for wisdom, the more we pray for responsibility with His word, the more He fulfills us and reveals His Truth to our unaware minds.
So, I sign off. I cannot tell you how humbled I have been since we landed in Panama over a month ago. Your prayers and thoughts are alive, felt, and answered here more than you ever knew. But please, remember, that the responsibility to share His word is not just for us in Panama, but it is for ALL believers, in the U.S., in Thailand, in Kenya, and beyond. We’re simply doing what our Lord Jesus entrusted us (His church) to do before He ascended back to His throne. It’s not a responsibility that we can payoff our ministers and missionaries to complete, but one that we must do ourselves. All of us. Together. If we all begin to take seriously the message of the Lord, then we can be the aroma of Christ that Paul (2 Cor. 2:15) wrote about so many years ago. I pray that you all are blessed richly in love, truth, and faithfulness, and that your neighbors, will be blessed by your presence in their lives and the Gospel that you may share to them, as it was once shared to you. Please pray the same for me, as well.
Rae and I leave this afternoon for the national youth convention, so please keep us all in your prayers as well travel and as hundreds of young people gather in His name, while the rest of the country is celebrating Carnaval, aka Mardi Gras. Pray for these kids that they will seek Him with all of their hearts, minds, and soul.